Friends.......who needs them...

Is it a crime if your mother is still your alarm at my age?? (ok, well don't answer that cause I already know what you would say....) well it's not my fault that I have a mother who cares... ok maybe a bit too much, like when she called me today, after the usual morning ritual. She began telling me about how she's so lucky to have met my dad and that she's the happiest woman alive and all that crap...is being single a crime??? and then she made it worse by telling me she has ties with the producer of the bachelor and the bachelorette or whateva the female version is called. Is my life that sad? Angry with her for even suggesting that, I hung up on her and then Daisy called
'five of us are having lunch today at Steffan's, got that?' sometimes I wonder what she's doing as an accountant...she should be in the military.
'yes ma'am, I would see you by two, k? love you'
Finally after getting myself into the shower and out, I made myself my usual breakfast....yougurt, berries and granola. I hate it but but sexiness is a pain in the ass to get. Work was as disturbing as usual, I had the usual doped up clients telling me about their paparazzi issue and the other lazy ass ones who are going out business but are still looking for a way to make the few bucks they could get. I believe I deserve an award or something, and no I'm not full of myself I'm just saying that I deserve something for all the crap I've been through, with all the drama and stuff. You know like a humanitarian award or something...
Finally it was two o'clock, you could not understand my dread....when four of those girls come together for something its either for some distructive policy or something stupid like hooking me up with a date, scary.........
I arrived and saw all of them in a semi- circle formation and took my seat in the middle....you should have seen my face, I was terrified!
' so what did you plan this time', I said tryin not to show my fear.....cause these guys can do anything.....
'oh, take a chill pill hon, we're not planning your homicide or something we just wanted to give you a talk'
Jessica said taking a sip of her sweet tea.
I guess that was Daisy's cue to talk, cause after that she placed her coffee cup back in the saucer and looked at me
'you know we love you and because of that we have decided to take matters into our own hands'
WHAT!!!!
I guess they saw my expression cause that's when Brittaney spoke up
'don't give me that look, we just wanted to help you. Your the only one out of all of us wo hasn't had a date in four years'
That long???? How did I survive?
'and we were thinking about your life style and what you that turns guys off and we came down to four things and the first is you sense of style'
How many insults in one day???
and I bet you guys can guess who said this,
'it's for your own good, we'll pick you up tomorrow at 11 and you better be ready.' and without a pause she picked up her fork and said 'can we have dessert now?'