When life gives you lemons........

Rushing, down the hallway into my office with my vanilla bean frap from Starbucks with my favorite toppings made especially for me by Jason.....(I did tell you guys about Jason, the guy from Starbucks that i would have dated if he weren't 11 yrs younger than me....) when my secretary Jess walked in.
"Okay L, you have 15 minutes to get yourself together for a meeting with Clive Anderson and your ex with his client and you have 5 missed calls from Jerry Silverson about some press issues." then with a quick pause she said sweetly "good morning, how are you today?"
with the way I was feeling I didn't even know what to say.
"okay, from that expression I believe that your stressed and need a brief intervention before you start work today...I'll be right back." knowing Jess, you'll never know what she's up to.
Five minutes after I've put all my stuff together and was relaxing on my turbo messaging chair, Jess walked in with a McDonald's yogurt parfait and a mac snack wrap, I swear I could have kissed her right then.
"here you go boss, if this doesn't make you happy I don't know what will" she said as she handed over the blessed food sent to me from God.
"Jess, I gotta say, I don't know what I'll do without you, I really don't" I said while unwrapping the snack wrap.
"I know, you know you could pay me back with a raise..."
"Don't push it Jess...."
"okay, okay, I'm leaving already, I'll beep you when they get here. Conference room, right?"
"yeah, thanks Jess"
"oh, your welcome"
okay, let me explain, my infatuation with these two particular foods. The parfait became a drug to get me away from exhaustion when I was working on a Roy Lenard case, yes the famous soap actor Roy Lenard....but man was he a pain in my ass and on top of that he was so selfish and miserly he kept on splitting the check or make me pay for everything. It's a wonder that I even got paid. So one day he wanted to meet up with me to talk about the case and suggested we meet up at McDonald's. At first I thought he was joking then I realized that this man has no sense of humor, so he was definitely serious. so we meet there and I ended up ordering what picture looked nice....just so you know I haven't been to McDonald's since I was 16 so the changes were really impressive.. so I ended up ordering a yogurt parfait and then ended up ordering 8 of them. Since then that has been my secret addiction but I've suppressed it for only emergencies. As for the snack wrap I tried it out this yaer on one my trips to McDonald's and fell in love.
just as i finished scraping all of the yogurt from the bottom of the cup Jess beeped me. Quickly throwing all the trash away, I told Jess to tell them I'll see them in about 6 minutes. In five minutes i fixed my hair and reapplied my makeup, smoothed down my skirt and readjusted my push-up bra. Hey, who said you can't dress up for a meeting especially if it's with your ex. If there's anything I've learnt from relationships is always make the jerk regret, and that's exactly what I did. and with the final spray of perfume I got my stuff and strolled out.
as I passed by Jess she hooted " go knock him dead!" I love my support system.
and I guess that's what I achieved because as I walked in the look he gave me said it all. And I heard his client whisper in his ear " how could you let her get away!" nothing makes you feel sexier.
"good morning men" I said as I sat in the chair that Clive pulled out for me.
" so what do we have here, Mr. White?" I said looking directly at Lucas.
leveling me with a smile and a quick once-over, he answered
"you're looking pretty good" giving me that inspection look again and stopping short at my breast.
" Thank you, sorry to cut your charade short but my client has work to do and this is taking up some of his time. So please keep your flattery until we're done." I said giving him a smile, what an ass.
finally after an hour of seeing his disgusting face the meeting was over.
" good day" I said as i shook hands with all of them except him and walked to my office, I was just about to close the door when someone grasped my waist and spun me around.
"What do you want Lucas?" and before i could even protest he kissed me just like that! As if he was my boyfriend or something.
but unfortunately I couldn't slap him cause it was just that good.
"Don't ever do that again! if you still want your balls still attached!"
"well, well. Since when did you get feisty?"
"I mean it Lucas, next time you try that I'll sue you for attempted rape"
"I don't think you can do that honey, if you were a willing accomplice...."
oh, he had the nerve
walking to my desk i began to dial security
" hi, is this security?"
" okay, okay, I get your point, I'll leave. See you next week" he said departing with a wink.
Oh, I hate him. I HATE ALL MEN!.......well except those two...

Friends.......who needs them...

Is it a crime if your mother is still your alarm at my age?? (ok, well don't answer that cause I already know what you would say....) well it's not my fault that I have a mother who cares... ok maybe a bit too much, like when she called me today, after the usual morning ritual. She began telling me about how she's so lucky to have met my dad and that she's the happiest woman alive and all that crap...is being single a crime??? and then she made it worse by telling me she has ties with the producer of the bachelor and the bachelorette or whateva the female version is called. Is my life that sad? Angry with her for even suggesting that, I hung up on her and then Daisy called
'five of us are having lunch today at Steffan's, got that?' sometimes I wonder what she's doing as an accountant...she should be in the military.
'yes ma'am, I would see you by two, k? love you'
Finally after getting myself into the shower and out, I made myself my usual breakfast....yougurt, berries and granola. I hate it but but sexiness is a pain in the ass to get. Work was as disturbing as usual, I had the usual doped up clients telling me about their paparazzi issue and the other lazy ass ones who are going out business but are still looking for a way to make the few bucks they could get. I believe I deserve an award or something, and no I'm not full of myself I'm just saying that I deserve something for all the crap I've been through, with all the drama and stuff. You know like a humanitarian award or something...
Finally it was two o'clock, you could not understand my dread....when four of those girls come together for something its either for some distructive policy or something stupid like hooking me up with a date, scary.........
I arrived and saw all of them in a semi- circle formation and took my seat in the middle....you should have seen my face, I was terrified!
' so what did you plan this time', I said tryin not to show my fear.....cause these guys can do anything.....
'oh, take a chill pill hon, we're not planning your homicide or something we just wanted to give you a talk'
Jessica said taking a sip of her sweet tea.
I guess that was Daisy's cue to talk, cause after that she placed her coffee cup back in the saucer and looked at me
'you know we love you and because of that we have decided to take matters into our own hands'
WHAT!!!!
I guess they saw my expression cause that's when Brittaney spoke up
'don't give me that look, we just wanted to help you. Your the only one out of all of us wo hasn't had a date in four years'
That long???? How did I survive?
'and we were thinking about your life style and what you that turns guys off and we came down to four things and the first is you sense of style'
How many insults in one day???
and I bet you guys can guess who said this,
'it's for your own good, we'll pick you up tomorrow at 11 and you better be ready.' and without a pause she picked up her fork and said 'can we have dessert now?'

My life in a semi-nutshell.........

I just realized how rude I was for not giving the intro.
Well.......I'm 28 years old trying to make a living in this country as an entertainment lawyer, I'm single and loving it(ok, well not really) and I can say well done for. Okay bout the physical stuff, I'm not gonna lie and tell you that i have long blond hair, a perfect shape, and say i work out( cause i haven't seen a gym in three years; not that i don't try to, i really do.) like all those other people do. I'm the normal girl next door brunette and i love , absolutely love shopping for anything even cars. I guess that's why I have three I haven't even driven yet. As for relationships....I've had only two surprisingly long , stable ones and when I say long I mean six months max except Lucas which was a make up and break up relationship and what else.....oh yeah I have four best friends: Vanessa (Van), Daisy, Jessica and Brittaney. At first we didn't think it would work out but we're still friends even after graduating from college six years ago.
Van is a creative manager for a clothing line, Daisy is an accountant, Jessica is a lawyer just like me but she's the shy type of person and became a solicitor instead, surprisingly she was the first one to get married and Brittaney is Brittaney, she owns her own little cafe on the corner of Rodeo Drive and she's doing pretty good for someone who woke up one morning and said she wanted to own a cafe. We thought she was crazy until the day we saw Johnny Depp and his friend having espressos and she's been a hit since then.
What else did forget?............ yeah, I have a mum, a dad and a dog name Trixie. My parents live in New Jersey, I still don't know why they're still living in that boring place. And every time my mom calls it's always the same thing 'when are you ever going to get married and settle down and give me grandchildren' what do I look like? a child manufacturing company? and every time I tell her that I'm not ready for all that right now she starts giving me the talk about how I'll be lonely with cats as my best friends. Like that's not sad enough...... so back to what happened last time.........
I got to my office to see him sitting there with a huge ass grin on his face.
'What do you want Lucas?' I said placing my bag on my desk.
'Can't you say hello? or we that bad?' he said with that legendary sexy lopsided smile on his face. But that's not going to work out this time. No way.
'Again, in case you didn't get it the first time what do want?'
'Well since you want to be bitchy I guess I'll just lay it down. My client is suing your client, for illegal copyright. So I just wanted to say it'll be fun seeing you in court.'
and I was going to give this guy a second chance........
'But before we become enemies do you want to catch a bite to eat with me later, it's been a long time since we've talked'
Hell no
'Um, I'm busy perhaps some other time' I said walking towards the door 'I'll see you around then..in court'
With a look of disappointment he walked to the door.
Why do I always go after jerks?