So much for being nice.......

So here I am, waiting at the terminal for Fleur (Daisy's mom, now that i think about it, i think they have a thing for flowers in their family) when this four year old screaming about something not having sprinkles in it to her mom stopped right in front and threw her ice cream at my boots!!!! and they were suede!!!!! then to make it worse her mom comes pulling her away saying 'that's not how to tell someone their shoes are ugly honey'....seriously!!!
and when i thought i couldn't be frustrated any longer here comes Fleur with like a ship load of bags and practically throwing them at my feet!...(what's up with everyone and my feet today?)
"oh L, darling it's been so long' she said as she air kissed my cheeks and then she backed away eyeing me up and down "Please don't tell me your starving yourself, your weight should be the least of your worries" she said in a way that meant 'compared to the rest of your body'
do it for Daisy, do it for Daisy, do it for Daisy i kept telling myself....
"how are you Fleur, you're looking better than ever"
"oh you noticed, good you did cause that grapefruit treatment burned my eyes for days...son much for $400"
"oh"
"you should try it sometime..i think you need" she said as she turned around. I'm going to kill someone and she's old so it wont be that hard.
"so where is your car, i'm so tired"
you wouldn't be when i tie your head to my bumper and drive you around Los Angeles till you die....
wow, didn't know i had that in me.....
"right this way" i said i was thinking to myself..this is going to be a long week.....

So my house is only 30 minutes away from the airport but every twist and turn i made was not good enough for her. i was always too sharp, too slow, almost killed us, would get runned over if i moved any slower. after 30 minutes minutes of torture i finally got home and let me say that I've never felt happier!

"L" she said as I hauled the fourth suitcase inside "where is my room?"
no, oh L is that suitcase too haevy for you, let me help you with that..
"right this way"
i opened the door to the guest room i had prepared for her and all she did was go around it like some obnoxious dog feeling the sheets, probably to make sure it wasn't anything under 600 thread count.
'if i need anything else from i shall give you a ring".....okay, did she just tell me she would give me a ring..what the hell am I? her butler!!!
"uhh..sure, is there anything in particular you want for dinner?' i asked just to be nice, you know.. WWJD
"No offense darling but if i happen to recall the last time you cooked something I contracted salmonella, i suppose we could dine out but then i wouldn't want you to spend money on expensive food when you would probably need it to eat next week" she said with her probably semi-plastic nose in the air.
okay that was just mean, for the record its not my fault her organic eggs failed her and plus it was a damn good chocolate custard!....you just felt really bad afterwards.......
"you know what you're right, i really wouldn't be able to afford to eat at your fancy restaurants cause my paycheck is just so small, living paycheck to paycheck is just so hard..thanks for your concern"
then she walked over to me patting my back "i can imagine how hard it is, you poor child" and with that she patted my cheek and closed the door....
you know i should have asked for $800 or maybe $1000 at least that would partially buy back half of my dignity

This is why your past is never your past.......

Today I had to go to this meeting where I was supposed to pretend i'm vegan and that I care about rabbits' rights. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a supporter of animal violence but really....is it really necessary for us to make animal laws? Animals don't care when i'm driving and they decide to come stand right in front of me (thats when I visit Jersey for Christmas, those stupid deers and birds) just saying. so here i am acting like i really care and supporting my client to drop thousands of dollars for rabbit rights. Its like once your rich and bored anything sounds good to you.

finally got home, changed into my yoga pants (it looked like fun and heard about all that breathing and flexibility stuff, unfortunately its not as easy as it seems...) and started thinking about how in the world would i ever do yoga when my Daisy called

"hey daisy, what's up?'
"ummm...do you remeber when we were eating cookies and cream ice cream and watching The Notebook and you were bawling your eyes out after lucas broke up with you"

before i continue i just want to say...Don't judge me! it was a hard period in my life..i mean he did dump me...but i do have to say that cookies and cream ice cream is the best type of ice cream to eat when your crying because you have to chew the cookie pieces which stop you from saying the stupid things in your head...(just incase you might want to try this in the future)

"yes daisy, i don't think you would ever let me forget"
"well, you remember when you about to pass out on your sofa after we danced and sang alone to your whole taylor swift album"
" i think i do...stop killing me daisy, where are trying to get to?"
" well you wispered in my ear that whenever i need a huge favor you'll be there"
"errmm..i think i said i'll pay you back but okay....."
"same thing L!"
" so what do you want Daisy?"
"well so basically,mymomiscommingtovisitandi'mgoingonaconferenceandIwon'tbehereforthefirstweeksocanyoutakeherin?"
" what??!"
" please???"
" no!"
'please!!...you owe me!!"
"not that much!!!"

So to let you guys understand ,Daisy's mom is the most irritating, demanding person in the world..she practically bullied me when I spent thanksgiving break at their house in Connecticut!

" NO!"
"come on, you owe me!!!"
" don't do this to me, you know she hates me!!"
" no she dosen't you're being ridiculous right now. out of everyone she chose you to live with!!"

she did?.....I smell deciet!!!

"add a $200 and we'll make a deal"
" I hate you!"
" deal or no deal?"
" I'll pay you when we meet for dinner on wednesday with her meds list and flight details"
"cash only please"
"your lucky we're talking through wires or i'd strangle you right now"
"tsk, tsk, is that the way you talk to your ,monther's caregiver?"
" whatever" and she hung up on me....i should have asked for $300 more....

Cable is actually the root of all evil......(cont.)

"Yeah, I can see that.."
"you know, sometimes i regret ever hiring you. If I needed a mother and housekeeper i could have just hired Van"
"Whatever, you still love me anyways" she sang as she dropped my schedule on my desk with some other files i didn't want to acknowledge.

So I went through the whole day by auto smiling, I probably smiled in court today as my client was being accused and probably smiled through all my swearing at the record company producer. But the tip on the iceberg of my beautiful day was when I was at lunch with one of my clients who is so confused about his life. Never met anyone more pathetic in my life (well except for me, but i'm special). Yes, I know you're waiting to hear who it is and yes, i'm telling. it's the famous Marcus Watson! Yes the guy whom every guy wants to be like. He may look cool, calm and collected but once you get to know him.....you don't even want to know.
Two weeks ago I saved his ass  by helping him organize a press conference for the case of sexual harassment from his backstage dancer, I even wrote his speech for him! and now how does he repay me? Yeah, by sending me a freaking snow globe of the old Twin Towers in my office!!
And now you know what? He needs me! and you know what for? for being a stupid ass! He and Celine Dion were working in the same studio but they both went on a lunch break around the same time. while every normal person would have had LUNCH or maybe just sat around and chilled a bit, he had to be special by bring out his liter flask of Jack Daniels. Way to go! And then he walked into the studio drunk and instead of going to his booth he went to Celine's therefore starting singing her lyrics in his tune and the producer liked it so much better than the original but to Celine it meant war. (Don't ask me how it happened...) So now she's suing him for stealing her song even though we explained it to her she still didn't want to listen. I never thought I'll see the day I would be fighting against a Canadian. And my job here is......? Making him look good in court even though he is the biggest fool on earth. And I love Celine! I have all her albums even when she was thirteen!! and I have no idea how French works!

So I guess you can say my day went super fantastic!

But, then I got home and it got even worse. I went straight to my fridge because i was starving and as usual there was nothing in it. So I had to force myself to get in the car to go buy some groceries. So still in my work clothes and heels, i was at the produce section when this guy walked right past me. At first it was his cologne that hit (I love men that wear cologne!), then it was his hair, then when he turned around he was so beautiful and then he was looking at me! Not only was he just looking at me but he was looking at me with the look that says 'I'm-looking-at-you-but-i-don't-want-you-to-know-I-am-looking-at-you'. And he had those blue eyes too!..sigh...But alas, he wasn't looking at me because he said (with an Australian accent!!) that  I should probably look at my crisp white shirt and there it was, right in the middle, this medium sized blob of crusty spaghetti sauce from lunch..so i basically had that on me all day.....ewww.... So in my humiliation I said a thank you and walked away but at least I left with some dignity because I think he was checking out my legs....

Cable is actually the root of all evil.....

So I was sitting at my desk, scraping the bottom of my third McDonald's yogurt parfait when my intercom beeped.
"What is it Jess?" I asked
"Just wanted to give a review of your schedule today, are you ready"
If my paycheck wasn't a necessity I would have said no but hey! I'm still paying for my new Mercedes.
"Bring it on"
"Coming right over" she said then hung up.

The worst part of it all is that i'm so depressed today. My mun would tell me to get over it and find myself a man but i don't need my my mom telling me what to do! Well, ever since that wedding (God that almost killed me) I've been looking at my friends, co-workers, employees and I can't help but feel left out you know, like why is everyone else finding someone except from me Don't i deserve love too?(don't answer that). You know  what my mom said this time? she said I should audition to be on Tough Love! and i was like hell no! as if the Bachelorette isn't bad enough....(for those of you who don't know what these shows are, Google it then you would understand where i'm coming from....especially Tough Love....)
I think it's because she just recently got HD cable, she thinks she knows everything now. even worse, she thinks she can cook just because she watches the Food Network now....hahahahahaha!

"So here it is, Mark Lewinsky needs you to help him out with the case of the Mobil worker suing him for assault and rape charges. Also Sarah Chaplin needs to talk to about her album cover, claiming that it wasn't what she signed for and for the grand finale, how are you this morning since i can see you are on your fourth parfait right now?"
If only she knew how close i am to starring on Tough Love.....
"It's just one of those days"....yeah right.

Don't you just love stupid people............

So I'm here in my office with my legs up on my desk listening to lately by Tyrese and scraping the bottom of a parfait cup when my intercom beeped....
"yes Jess?"
"just reminding you that you have a court hearing in a hour, just in case you want a head start"

'thanks hun.....i'll get right to it"

"k"

i really don't want to go to court but what can i do.........who am i kidding?...i am so ready for this!...time to show him who's the boss...i guess i should calm down.

so as for stupid people, about two weeks ago the weirdest thing happened......my cousin got arrested. yes, i know, how awful....blah, blah, blah but the funny thing is that to us this is freaking awesome! even my mom and dad were super excited when they were relaying the incident to me.....

okay, let me explain, my family is full of a buch of goody two-shoes that if your caught trying to evade taxes by using uncle Jeremy's charity its a huge deal!....i mean if you can find a way, why not use it?

anyways, i digress..so, he was caught stealing an ATM! oh my goodness...when i heard the news you should've seen me! i don't think i've ever laughed that hard. who the hell steals an ATM!? and even worse he said he stole it, not because it had money but because the blue and red Bank of America theme was perfect for the color scheme of his 'man loft'! are you kidding me! i always knew we had retarded people in my family...they were just waiting for the right moment. even Daisy was like 'it's about time!'

back to the courtroom....

you know, i think the most annoying thing right after cyclist on the road are arrogant, cocky bastards....yeah and Lucas is like the king of them all. you should have seen him, walking into the courtroom looking like he had it all under control...argghhh...he's so annoying...

(hey, if im boring you with my rant, this is my blog and i made it to rant!!)

long story short...four long hours later with two breaks in-between, I won!!!...hell yeah!!!...i showed that bastard!!! and yes, it feels awesome!..

then after we were done and i was packing up my files in my briefcase when he sauntered over and whispered in my ear

'you may have won this battle but you haven't won mine'

oh...the nerve!!!!....

'i'm sorry am i lost or are you confused? there is no battle, baby cause we're done!..so do me a favor and back off!...i heard your partner's secretatry is ready for the taking'

and with that i locked my breifcase and walked out. today was a good day and he's not going to kill it for me....now where are my four best friends when i need them?

missed me?

okay i know i said i would keep you guys posted but a lot of stuff have been going on and work isn't helping.........



well the wedding was definitely worth going to. the craziest stuff happened there. it was like a freakin circus. first of all it started all peaceful and quiet and then the point came when the priest was like who here dosen't want these two to be joined and two guys jumped up (i didn't even have to do anything! talk about luck) one was like he fell in love with her when they slept together two weeks ago, which from what i later found out, she was supposedly at a career fair for her company at Perpperdine university. and the other guy claimed that he couldn't just give up on her after they broke up two months ago. which if i can recall they have been dating for is it six or five months now? and they were exclusive. wow, what a day for the groom.....i was just laughing my ass off. you see ladies, karma does it all for you. don't try and play even with your ex like paying him back because karma is just so funnier and plus you get front row seats! you should have seen his face! lol..it still cracks me up just thinking about it!


well you can guess what happened from there, his mom got all upset and what not, the brides family left in disgrace and her friends called her stuff like slut and cheap white trash and what not and only two friends stayed behind to comfort her, too bad she didnt think of buying waterproof mascara, you wouldn't have wanted to see her face. oh who i'm i kidding, she was still gorgeous with two black sttreaks running down her face, who looks that good crying?


but anyways party went downhill and the groom, a.k.a ex was in a chair, drinking striaght from the bottle his third vodka bottle...that's when you know he is so close to commiting suicide. so as a good friend i went up to him to give some support.....even though Van didn't even let me go until i tricked her that Whitney Port just walked passed us, which worked since the bride's mom is friends with Nicolle Miller so there were some famous people around...



after five minutes of chit-chat he finally opened up saying how much he loved her and how cliche it all turned out...poor guy and i went to give him a hug and then he just looked at me for like a minute and said '' i'm gonna hate myself later for this" and he just kissed me right there. well at first it felt good but then he started digging his tougue down my throat which to me is a big no no.

so i pushed him back and for someone who wanted this to happen was very angry, not for the fact he kissed me but the fact that it just came to me six minutes into it that he said he was going to regret it later.....what did he think i was? a rebound chick not to mention the fact that i allowed him to feel me up......i knew i shouldn't have had those jungle martinis.....

well i couldn't slap him since we were both partakers so i just picked my coat, got van and left.....

lesson learnt?

leave exes alone!

......use it as a facial rub.......

okay, so tomorrow is the wedding and I am soo not ready for this....i just got the invitation in mail some days ago and you should have senn their picture on the cover...she's like gorgeous... and that did not make me feel better..its like the world is just getting sicker everyday....how come everyone is getting married, having beautiful babies and cnt even handle a date! Just last week, i was at the mall with daisy. We were at Nordstrom and we were looking at boots and then I noticed this guy checking me out, my first reaction was to smile back at him seductively but then it occured to me what type of guy comes to the shoe section of Nordstrom and then lo and behold..he was shopping with his girlfriend........I felt so disgusted, you know its so depressing when you can't get a single decent guy, that dosent want you for your wallet....sigh...oh well, i did hear that people find love when they are not looking for it...then it just happens....yeah right!..okay don't let me bore with my outlook on love......my life is just sad...don't pay it any mind. But let me end with this with some advice, from my..is it 27 yrs already? well with my experience i've found out that its always the good guys that are either taken, gay or poor and still can't imagine living without their mom, at the age of 30...sick...so just be careful. and yes this is from experience.

Anyways, i got my sexy, little black number for tomorrow and i got Van to help me dress up and be my escort to the wedding, I mean just incase I get tempted to do anything terrible..like confess how much I love him or by trying to get him to kiss me....I know...but I have mentioned that I am a sad person...so I got back up.
hopefully it wouldn't go as bad as I think it would...wish n me luck and of course I'll tell what happened..

When life gives you lemons........

Rushing, down the hallway into my office with my vanilla bean frap from Starbucks with my favorite toppings made especially for me by Jason.....(I did tell you guys about Jason, the guy from Starbucks that i would have dated if he weren't 11 yrs younger than me....) when my secretary Jess walked in.
"Okay L, you have 15 minutes to get yourself together for a meeting with Clive Anderson and your ex with his client and you have 5 missed calls from Jerry Silverson about some press issues." then with a quick pause she said sweetly "good morning, how are you today?"
with the way I was feeling I didn't even know what to say.
"okay, from that expression I believe that your stressed and need a brief intervention before you start work today...I'll be right back." knowing Jess, you'll never know what she's up to.
Five minutes after I've put all my stuff together and was relaxing on my turbo messaging chair, Jess walked in with a McDonald's yogurt parfait and a mac snack wrap, I swear I could have kissed her right then.
"here you go boss, if this doesn't make you happy I don't know what will" she said as she handed over the blessed food sent to me from God.
"Jess, I gotta say, I don't know what I'll do without you, I really don't" I said while unwrapping the snack wrap.
"I know, you know you could pay me back with a raise..."
"Don't push it Jess...."
"okay, okay, I'm leaving already, I'll beep you when they get here. Conference room, right?"
"yeah, thanks Jess"
"oh, your welcome"
okay, let me explain, my infatuation with these two particular foods. The parfait became a drug to get me away from exhaustion when I was working on a Roy Lenard case, yes the famous soap actor Roy Lenard....but man was he a pain in my ass and on top of that he was so selfish and miserly he kept on splitting the check or make me pay for everything. It's a wonder that I even got paid. So one day he wanted to meet up with me to talk about the case and suggested we meet up at McDonald's. At first I thought he was joking then I realized that this man has no sense of humor, so he was definitely serious. so we meet there and I ended up ordering what picture looked nice....just so you know I haven't been to McDonald's since I was 16 so the changes were really impressive.. so I ended up ordering a yogurt parfait and then ended up ordering 8 of them. Since then that has been my secret addiction but I've suppressed it for only emergencies. As for the snack wrap I tried it out this yaer on one my trips to McDonald's and fell in love.
just as i finished scraping all of the yogurt from the bottom of the cup Jess beeped me. Quickly throwing all the trash away, I told Jess to tell them I'll see them in about 6 minutes. In five minutes i fixed my hair and reapplied my makeup, smoothed down my skirt and readjusted my push-up bra. Hey, who said you can't dress up for a meeting especially if it's with your ex. If there's anything I've learnt from relationships is always make the jerk regret, and that's exactly what I did. and with the final spray of perfume I got my stuff and strolled out.
as I passed by Jess she hooted " go knock him dead!" I love my support system.
and I guess that's what I achieved because as I walked in the look he gave me said it all. And I heard his client whisper in his ear " how could you let her get away!" nothing makes you feel sexier.
"good morning men" I said as I sat in the chair that Clive pulled out for me.
" so what do we have here, Mr. White?" I said looking directly at Lucas.
leveling me with a smile and a quick once-over, he answered
"you're looking pretty good" giving me that inspection look again and stopping short at my breast.
" Thank you, sorry to cut your charade short but my client has work to do and this is taking up some of his time. So please keep your flattery until we're done." I said giving him a smile, what an ass.
finally after an hour of seeing his disgusting face the meeting was over.
" good day" I said as i shook hands with all of them except him and walked to my office, I was just about to close the door when someone grasped my waist and spun me around.
"What do you want Lucas?" and before i could even protest he kissed me just like that! As if he was my boyfriend or something.
but unfortunately I couldn't slap him cause it was just that good.
"Don't ever do that again! if you still want your balls still attached!"
"well, well. Since when did you get feisty?"
"I mean it Lucas, next time you try that I'll sue you for attempted rape"
"I don't think you can do that honey, if you were a willing accomplice...."
oh, he had the nerve
walking to my desk i began to dial security
" hi, is this security?"
" okay, okay, I get your point, I'll leave. See you next week" he said departing with a wink.
Oh, I hate him. I HATE ALL MEN!.......well except those two...

Kill me pls.......sommeone kill me......

Okay, let me just begin by saying.....I am not a freak and I am not a bitch.......there I said it.
When I got a phone call from my almost fiance (a long time ago ex by the way) I wanted to jump out of my window and break my skull....yeah i know..painful suicide, but unfortunately I thought about my cars and the fact that i have no will.....and thought better of it. Out of all the boyfriends I've ever had (and trust me ..i haven't had a lot) he's the only one i ever had second thoughts over..and its bad enough that I'm the one who dumped him. Well, to cut the long story short, i still kinda love him and he left me message telling me that I'm invited to his wedding and he didn't hesitate to add that i'll love his daughter Hailey when I meet her. I hate men! Every single one of them....well except from my hair stylist and the guy who make my coffee at Starbucks..he's so sweet...
so with that message playing in my head in disbelief, i changed into my sweats, pulled my hair into a ponytail on top of my head and did what i do best when I'm depressed....bake enough cookies to fill an entire bakeshop for three months. I can't remember how long i was baking for but i bet it was long time because i was on another batch when Van stormed into my front door,
"where the hell have you....."
she stopped short staring at me as I cracked an egg.
"L, what's wrong?"
"nothing"
"don't tell me nothing, somethings definitely wrong, I'm calling them now"
she said as she whipped up her phone and started speed dialing.
"don't you guys have jobs, or work to do?"
"no honey, it's Sunday but obviously you don't know that do you? You've probably been baking since last week, considering all the flour you've used"
that's when I looked around and found out that i've used eight packs of flour
"you could probably feed an orphanage with that"
even more, I thought as i looked at all the already cooled cookies that i saved in my biggest pot, and realized it was beginning to overflow.
"did you fall into a pan of cake batter?"
Brit said as she strolled into my kitchen, with a quick look around she gave me a look of great concern
"what happened?"
"can't a girl bake cookies in peace?"
"what happened L?"
"nothing"
"don't lie to us L, we know you only do this when you're depressed"
Daisy said as she took a bite of one of my cookies
"and they taste pretty good too, what's this? macadamia?"
"remember what happened last time you did this?"
Jessica reminded me, oh how could I forget
"oh that was priceless, she made so much that we had to deliver batches to churches and three different Salvation Army branches"
Daisy said laughing her ass off. I winced. Deciding this was going nowhere, I told them.
Jess spoke up first
"oh, what a bastard! He had the guts to call you after three years?"
then Van
"how did he even get your number?"
then Brit
"let's crash his wedding"
"really Brit?"
i said in disbelief
"yeah, why not?"
"can we at least be practical?"
Brit said
"you guys can stop over reacting.......it was just an invitation"
but of course they wouldn't listen, acting as if i wasn't even there, they were having a meeting. finally after some hours, i sent them home with an x-large bowl of cookies each and i thought of what to do next.

Oh how I hate them.........

Okay, so after i finished my normal morning ritual (which also includes avoiding my mum's relationship suggestions...does she realize that this isnt the 70's when all you had to do was ride a scooter and meet someone....), i wore my most flattering casual outfit which was my fushia fitted Ralph Lauren polo shirt with my white skinnies and thought I looked awesome..... i mean i checked myself in the mirrior and i wore purple flats. I mean it could be worse and i did look good with my hair up in a classic-flair ponytail that I copied from and issue of Cosmopolitan magazine.
Then my door bell rang only to see Daisy carefully scruitinizing me and then with a sigh she muttered
'so this is what we have to deal with?'
and I just stared at her like someone just stabbed me with my jaw hanging in disbelief.
'you can close your mouth now honey'
then it closed.
Pulling me out of my house, she took the keys from me and look my front door and set my security code.
she's stayed over a couple of times and plus I know she isn't going to rob me. just saying that in benefit of those who nare wondering why.
so after being thrown into her car ( it's not like I forced her to do this, I'm the victim here.) we finally pulled up on Sunset Boulevard, where all her favorite stores are. Still in a daze I walked in to see the rest of the crew and Brit sucking on a straw out of a McDonalds' cup.
'let's get busy people' Van finally said breaking me out of my trance.
Before I knew it, I was dragged around like a dog from one person to another and only God knows how many outfits i had to try on, even some weird green tent, that Van proclaimed was a fashion do. I'd rather camp in it than wear it.
Then finally after God knows how many hours....I was finnaly dropped back at my front door with my keys dropped into my hands and didn't realize untill I heard the roar of an engine and saw rearlights disappearing. I looked around and noticed that I had about eight different shopping bags, wow i didn't think they would be me a whole new wardrobe.
Opened my front door, to the blinking lights of my answering machine and checked my email to find out that Van had already sent me email describing each outfit and what goes with what. i'll probably check that tomorrow.
going through my messages, it went on and on until the last message..........OMG!

Friends.......who needs them...

Is it a crime if your mother is still your alarm at my age?? (ok, well don't answer that cause I already know what you would say....) well it's not my fault that I have a mother who cares... ok maybe a bit too much, like when she called me today, after the usual morning ritual. She began telling me about how she's so lucky to have met my dad and that she's the happiest woman alive and all that crap...is being single a crime??? and then she made it worse by telling me she has ties with the producer of the bachelor and the bachelorette or whateva the female version is called. Is my life that sad? Angry with her for even suggesting that, I hung up on her and then Daisy called
'five of us are having lunch today at Steffan's, got that?' sometimes I wonder what she's doing as an accountant...she should be in the military.
'yes ma'am, I would see you by two, k? love you'
Finally after getting myself into the shower and out, I made myself my usual breakfast....yougurt, berries and granola. I hate it but but sexiness is a pain in the ass to get. Work was as disturbing as usual, I had the usual doped up clients telling me about their paparazzi issue and the other lazy ass ones who are going out business but are still looking for a way to make the few bucks they could get. I believe I deserve an award or something, and no I'm not full of myself I'm just saying that I deserve something for all the crap I've been through, with all the drama and stuff. You know like a humanitarian award or something...
Finally it was two o'clock, you could not understand my dread....when four of those girls come together for something its either for some distructive policy or something stupid like hooking me up with a date, scary.........
I arrived and saw all of them in a semi- circle formation and took my seat in the middle....you should have seen my face, I was terrified!
' so what did you plan this time', I said tryin not to show my fear.....cause these guys can do anything.....
'oh, take a chill pill hon, we're not planning your homicide or something we just wanted to give you a talk'
Jessica said taking a sip of her sweet tea.
I guess that was Daisy's cue to talk, cause after that she placed her coffee cup back in the saucer and looked at me
'you know we love you and because of that we have decided to take matters into our own hands'
WHAT!!!!
I guess they saw my expression cause that's when Brittaney spoke up
'don't give me that look, we just wanted to help you. Your the only one out of all of us wo hasn't had a date in four years'
That long???? How did I survive?
'and we were thinking about your life style and what you that turns guys off and we came down to four things and the first is you sense of style'
How many insults in one day???
and I bet you guys can guess who said this,
'it's for your own good, we'll pick you up tomorrow at 11 and you better be ready.' and without a pause she picked up her fork and said 'can we have dessert now?'

My life in a semi-nutshell.........

I just realized how rude I was for not giving the intro.
Well.......I'm 28 years old trying to make a living in this country as an entertainment lawyer, I'm single and loving it(ok, well not really) and I can say well done for. Okay bout the physical stuff, I'm not gonna lie and tell you that i have long blond hair, a perfect shape, and say i work out( cause i haven't seen a gym in three years; not that i don't try to, i really do.) like all those other people do. I'm the normal girl next door brunette and i love , absolutely love shopping for anything even cars. I guess that's why I have three I haven't even driven yet. As for relationships....I've had only two surprisingly long , stable ones and when I say long I mean six months max except Lucas which was a make up and break up relationship and what else.....oh yeah I have four best friends: Vanessa (Van), Daisy, Jessica and Brittaney. At first we didn't think it would work out but we're still friends even after graduating from college six years ago.
Van is a creative manager for a clothing line, Daisy is an accountant, Jessica is a lawyer just like me but she's the shy type of person and became a solicitor instead, surprisingly she was the first one to get married and Brittaney is Brittaney, she owns her own little cafe on the corner of Rodeo Drive and she's doing pretty good for someone who woke up one morning and said she wanted to own a cafe. We thought she was crazy until the day we saw Johnny Depp and his friend having espressos and she's been a hit since then.
What else did forget?............ yeah, I have a mum, a dad and a dog name Trixie. My parents live in New Jersey, I still don't know why they're still living in that boring place. And every time my mom calls it's always the same thing 'when are you ever going to get married and settle down and give me grandchildren' what do I look like? a child manufacturing company? and every time I tell her that I'm not ready for all that right now she starts giving me the talk about how I'll be lonely with cats as my best friends. Like that's not sad enough...... so back to what happened last time.........
I got to my office to see him sitting there with a huge ass grin on his face.
'What do you want Lucas?' I said placing my bag on my desk.
'Can't you say hello? or we that bad?' he said with that legendary sexy lopsided smile on his face. But that's not going to work out this time. No way.
'Again, in case you didn't get it the first time what do want?'
'Well since you want to be bitchy I guess I'll just lay it down. My client is suing your client, for illegal copyright. So I just wanted to say it'll be fun seeing you in court.'
and I was going to give this guy a second chance........
'But before we become enemies do you want to catch a bite to eat with me later, it's been a long time since we've talked'
Hell no
'Um, I'm busy perhaps some other time' I said walking towards the door 'I'll see you around then..in court'
With a look of disappointment he walked to the door.
Why do I always go after jerks?

When Your Past Haunts.........

Today, Van and I went out to check the state of my car at the mechanics' when my phone rang. Checking the caller ID I found out it was Lucas, the guy I broke up with last year October.
We went out for two years until I found out that for him having sex with my assistant was way much better than spending any time with me.
It would have been terrific if I just broke up with him knowing that he only cheated on me once but nooo, he had to blow it by telling me how he's been doing that since last year February. How smooth was that? but we don't have a love and hate relationship and as for my assistant, I fired her and he dumped her two weeks after we broke up. Broke and dumped isn't that amazing. Karma is a bitch honey..... but don't get me wrong I'm a wonderful person, just don't mess with me.
"What is it this time L?' Van said from beside me.
"Nothing just the usual, i hope your okay.....call if you need anything......blah"
"If you ask me I think he's still kinda hooked on you"
"As if"
"Just saying hun"
"Well he broke up with me and we both decided it was the best thing"
"Whatever you say"
I got out of the car and walked up to Brandon the only guy i can ever trust with all my babies.
"L, you made it on time" he said rolling out from under a beat up minivan
"of course I did! I missed him"
" you're the only person I know who calls their ride a he"
"I'm female I can't call it a she. It doesn't sound right"
"well, I finished it last night and now your baby's ready to run, I'll mail you the bill"
"as always"
Getting into my car felt like bliss. Told van I'd see her at our girls night tonight at Verachi's and drove straight to work. I kept thinking bout Lucas on the drive back, he did say he wanted to meet up for lunch. And I can't because of the feelings that I still have for him and don't hate me I'm only human. A girl can give second chances, can't she?
I was buzzed out of my thoughts when my phone rang
" L"
"Hey, it's Jess. Guess who just walked into the office"
"Couldn't it wait till I got there?"
"It's Lucas, you better be ready"
As if that didn't alert me enough
"thanks Jess, I'll be there soon, tell him to wait"
He better have a good explanation..........or maybe its my turn to speak my mind. Just like I said before, I can give second chances right?